I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
