oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
