Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
