best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
