What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
