It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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