You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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