gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
