Non-Jews are for practice
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
