Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
