If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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