you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
