broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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