Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Houston, we have a blender
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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