i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
