I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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