And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
