I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
