I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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