All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
