Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
