Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
