I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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