i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
