We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
