ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
