You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
