u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
