Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
