I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I want is dick and wine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
