He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i think my cat just said my name.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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