Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
