Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
