i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
