I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
