I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
