Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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