i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
