; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
