i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
