for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
