Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
