My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We are all done wearing pants today
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
