well you can't waste a boner
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
