brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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