ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
