This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
