I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
