your room smells of hookers.
And success
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
