I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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