There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize