I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
