Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
