We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
