he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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