update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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