remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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