dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
