Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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