I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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