I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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