just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
