it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize