I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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